'Oh, darling I've been thinking about you
And you are thinking how much farther it was
It's filling up our lives'

this rain has the pressure in my brain building. so i took an excedrin to forget this horrible day. its been the worse 2 days ive yet to live. i dont understand why my job fucks with my head... then i meet this guy. and he's fuckin with my head so i decided to fuck his mind up. to be honest i dont give two shits about his advice or his friendship. im cold to the bone when i get shoved off like nobodies business... i tend to reciprocate the favor to some disposition. besides. wheres the fire? im in no hurry to make new friends. they're hard to maintain as it is!. . . guh. . .
i miss the cold weather. i spent this morning with creep and we laid in bed talking and cuddling. those small but wonderful moments that seem to be the tape that holds hearts in place. its nice to be in love. it was the only good part of today i missed it so much when it was over. i just wanted to sleep there forever in his company. im so lucky when it comes down to it. i dont know what he sees in me. deep down im still a very angry soul but somehow he purifies that one part of me. i guess those chemical reactions occur. and i guess it just leaves me in a dopey happy state. sighs.

i promise to upload something soon. im working on a piece. its coming along but i want to take my time. sorry.

just explain the world to me. how it astonomically works with and against all living things. how life starts and ends and doesn't have to be a tragedy. i want to view the start and finish with no emotional sentiment. i don't want the responsibility to be upset when you're gone. selfishness is just a another guard. aimlessly protecting. hiding. keeping the light from hitting every tiny secret one has to hold. but nothing ever splits the ties of separation. sleeping is an internal vault of precious moments colliding. images, sounds... its ridiculous to think theres not much to cut out from thinking. unless you can convince yourself your someone else. a con artist to your own suit. i couldn't bullshit myself any further from that.

People + people = more people. repeat. die. repeat. die. live. die. you know.

can you feel it? change is among us and it straight forwardly...sucks. sucks to every dynamic thought that comes to mind that sucks! so im here. on the couch, reading an email from the jeep dealership in Warnock. very very nice salesman-woman. named sarah. really nice. but also a salesman. i wish i could afford a brand new jeep, but the thing is im finally geared to going to school and im scared shitless of what will happen a few chapters into my life now. will i one day be able to afford new-everything? sigh. im also depressed. i started a second job and already im starting to get on their bad side, or maybe im imagining it. i had no fuckin clue i had work there today. i got a schedule and it said, nope, no 2nd job, just 1st job. and i was like sweeet. then i get a phone call pretty much telling me i have work at my 2nd job and im a idiot. ..... i dont like when people make changes on simple things like your job schedule and don't tell a soul about it. im not a mind reader or anything. goddamn. i overall still feel like shit about that. eh its that time of the month, im quite moody as it is. i didnt need that shit. i want to drive. i dont want to be thinking about any of this shit. i need a smoke. i need a hug. i need a nice cup of tea.

So it's another night in my bed
'Cause I can't sleep
And oh, it wears on your shoulders
Just please don't ever leave
Me here, don't ever leave
Don't you leave

Start out like a sailor
And bring back all you need
So everyone else can
Try and get some sleep

It turns out you were into yourself
It turns out you could find your way out
Just once more for my baby girl

It turns out you were into yourself
It turns out you could find your way out

And so I woke up near the sea,
Sailing in my dreams
You are already falling back in love with me
Just fall back in love, yeah
Just fall back in love

Start out like a sailor
And bring back all you need
So everyone else can
Try and get some sleep

It's just the season on your back
It's just the way we know to act

It's just the season on your back
It's just the way we know to act

It turns out you were into yourself
It turns out you could find your way out
Just once more for my baby girl

It turns out you were into yourself
It turns out you could find your way out

And no one ever knew...

Stranded in this spooky town
Stoplights are swaying and the phone lines are down
This floor is crackling cold
She took my heart, I think she took my soul
With the moon I run
Far from the carnage of the fiery sun

Driven by the strangled vein
Showing no mercy I do it again
Open up your eye
You keep on crying, baby
I’ll bleed you dry
The skies are blinking at me
I see a storm bubbling up from the sea

And it's coming closer
And it's coming closer

You, shimmy shook my bone
Leaving me stranded all in love on my own
What do you think of me
Where am I now? Baby where do I sleep
Feel so good but I'm old,
2000 years of chasing taking its toll

And it’s coming closer